Saturday, March 13, 2010

Of Guitar Heroes and unmade beds

The older woman is out of town visiting a sister. That means I’ve reverted to my fifteen- year-old self.

When Sheri is here I wear cardigans and make lists of errands and chores and then do them. At night, I choose piano jazz for our dinner sound track. Some evenings I pour wine, and we talk about our days as grown-ups do. Or we read or finish work from the office. Sometimes we go out. The other night, we treated ourselves to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra. I wore a sport coat and felt every bit of age forty-five.

But now, with Sheri gone, I’m tempted to order up last summer’s teen-boy spectacle, Star Trek, on my cable TV. I’ve eaten chocolate ice cream from the container. I’ve wrassled the dogs on the living room rug until we barked at each other. I haven’t made the bed; if I did I’d have to move the basketball. If the neighbors are lucky, I’m shaking the windows with Pearl Jam. If they’re unlucky, it’s Rush.

I know other guys who morph into adolescents when their wives leave town. There’s one fellow who could be a 24-7 Guitar Hero if his wife skedaddled for a week. Another drinks more beer. Texas Hold 'em anyone?

My conclusion: Despite what birth certificates suggest, all husbands are younger men. All wives are older women.


  1. Just the other day, I suggested my wife try to arrange a weekend with a girlfriend who is turning 40...a "jedi mind trick" or "pick and roll" of sorts with the intended side-effect of freeing me up for the weekend to get away for a boyz weekend rafting or fishing by day and inevitably drinking delights like Yukon Jack and Pabst around a sooty campfire and garrulous banter well past our normal bedtime. She welcomed the suggestion with a generous kiss and hug as I smiled and thought of the short-list of men who were ready for a few nights of man camp.

  2. Of course, I'd never encourage using Jedi Mind tricks on your wife, but I can admire the tactic. Rafting and a sooty campfire? Call me next time.

  3. HA! Great picture of you! And your conclusion is spot-on!

  4. I live like this when KyleK is gone too. I have to pick up stuff for an hour before he gets home. I hope you watched Star Trek.

  5. Please, God, no. Not Rush. Please, God, no.

  6. I'll replace Rush with Nutcracker Buck's Greatest Hits, when the sumbitch sends me a CD.