We’ve been amazed and delighted by all the traffic on this
blog since Michael’s essay ran in AARP magazine. And
we are tremendously moved by so many of your stories. One thing that I’ve
noticed as the comments have been piling up: Many of you women in relationships
with younger men say you were more troubled by the age difference than your man
was. And some of you mention that your guy pursued you enthusiastically before
you believed it was for real.
Yum! |
On the other hand, Michael was wary about starting a new
relationship (he had recently ended a difficult one) and so he didn’t really
pursue me in the classic sense. He did bring me flowers once, but his early gifts
tended toward more practical things, like cheeseburgers for a late night at the
office or the loan of a record album.
Here’s some of what our readers shared:
Practicallytwisted, who’s just starting a relationship with
a man 18 years younger, said: I'm more
preoccupied with the difference than he is, I think, and I leap too far into
the future instead of remaining in the present where it is wonderful and
exciting.
An anonymous poster, married to a man 12 years younger, wrote: He said to tell you he doesn't even think
about the age or the dying, but rather the living! I must admit that I think
about it though.
Dally, married to a man 9 years younger, wrote this after reading
Michael’s piece: Until now I have felt
rather isolated, as far as our age gap goes. But now I'm saying, "Wa-hoo!
No big deal!" (which it has never been for my hubby) I'm 63 and he's 54,
and we've been married 8 years.
Another anonymous commenter in a him+17 marriage for 21 years writes: I was more uncomfortable about the age
difference than he was at the start (he was 30 and I was 47) and now I can't
imagine why I was so concerned.
But here’s my favorite. This, from KK, who has a younger boyfriend: I tell people that I did not rob the
cradle, he robbed the grave! He pursued me until I finally gave in...thinking
it was just a whimsy and it wouldn't last.
I’m happy to know my experience wasn’t unusual. I wonder if
we just can’t believe our good fortune in finding a soul mate and so we tamp
down our expectations. I’ll just have a
fling, we tell ourselves, or it’ll be
fun as long as it lasts. And then, surprise! It lasts!