Saturday, August 13, 2011

A hole in the shape of a child

“Everyone has holes in their lives; mine just happens to be child-shaped.”

That elegant description of childlessness comes from the blog Life Without Baby, where the writer, Lisa Manterfield, posted this week about childlessness from a man’s perspective. She quotes me (I'm the man's perspective), and it's all part of a three-way blog conversation that began with a post published on the blog Childless by Marriage.

Childless by Marriage, in its post, referred to what I’ve written here about how marrying an older woman meant that I’d likely not have children (I also wrote about it here). Sheri’s written about childlessness as well. Our situation isn’t a truth for all age-gap couples, but it’s been a big part – or absence – in our lives.

I don’t need to repeat what is in those posts, but for those who might be in a similar situation, this three-way blog conversation might offer some worthwhile perspectives.


  1. I have a child-shaped hole in my life as well. We all have holes of some sort and we come to childlessness in many different ways. Let's keep the discussion going.

    Sue Fagalde Lick

  2. I'm childless. The pain is unbearable when my husband spends most of his time with his kids (and now grandkids) . We've been together 13 years. The ex lives up the road. I can't even see the newest grandchild. My spouse goes up to the ex"s to visit.
    I'm always on the outside . After on this time, his kids still play mind games. I'm not happy. I love him sooo much but we don't communicate. I told him a few times I should just leave, he's on computer for hours every night. I'm bored, sad, lonely. He begs me not to go and then he goes back to his computer. I don't know why he wants me here. Being childless has hurt out marriage 100%.