Saturday, April 10, 2010

Older woman thinks about it all

I said to Michael today when he reminded me it’s my turn to put up a post that all of this blogging has made me think a lot more about our age gap than I used to.

Is that a good thing?

Writing this blog has given me cause to watch some really bad television (see entries on “The Cougar,“Cougartown”), get suckered into figuring out my “Real Age,” follow the love lives of Katie Couric and Susan Sarandon, track the Twitter postings of Ashton Kutcher and ‘fess up to what I wrote in my journal almost 20 years ago.

But it’s also broadened my knowledge of the world, given me an opening for an honest chat with my mother-in-law, helped me think about his & her career issues, and given me a reason to watch a Kate Winslet movie.

We now find ourselves considering our age difference more than we used to, and confronting some issues — retirement, money, location — that we might have avoided.

The biggest advantage to thinking about our age difference so much is that I don’t hide from it anymore. Now I take it out and examine it a lot more than I might have, which makes it familiar — like wrapping up in a favorite sweater.

The bummer is that no matter how you slice it, I’m still the older one.


  1. And I'm very happy that you do! I have a 19 year age difference with my partner and your blog has been very good for me. After spending most of my life with men older than me, I agree that it is a bit of a bummer to be the older one at times.

  2. Diane,
    Another plus of having this blog is hearing from other women who are living the Him-plus life. It feels like a constant adventure in an unexplored world, and I'm glad there are so many of us sharing it. Thanks for reading our blog!

  3. Hi Sheri, i just wanted to share something with you... I'm sorry i had to say this... but older women are selfish... and i'll tell you why....
    My wife is 10 yrs older than me and i'm 31 yrs old... we've been married for 3 years now... You know as a man i wanted you to know something... I think i may somehow relate to what Mike is going through at this stage... i pity him sincerely and although he may seem happy with you he may be suffering in silence... like me... and if he's not then God bless your marriage...
    i regret my marriage and i envy guys with younger wives... My sex life is in shambles i barely make it through the end because a body of 41 year old woman is different from a body of 21 year old... i wish noone go through what i'm going through now...
    i never had an affair and never will, however i do like spending time talking to younger girls because i feel myself more energized and recharged as if coming back to life... But with my wife it's so dull that i think i feel i'm getting older faster than my peers... and now i'm throwing away my youth into dustbin... when i'm supposed to be spending my youth with a younger and lively wife i wake up beside aging woman whose wrinkles, flabby tummy are becoming so obvious and turn me off... i've pretty much lost all the motivation i had in my life... i thought i could have kids with her and they would take away my problems but she can't bear me one due to her sterilization...
    I stepped up as a gentleman and married for her... i truly wanted her to be happy and now i have to carry that burden for the rest of my life... i just don't know why i must suffer for my kindness... breaking up is out of question because she never understands my side and it will wreak her emotionally and may be physically too... sometime i wish she realized what i'm going through herself and took the initiative to file for divorce and let me go...
    so i wanted to suggest you to look for signs and not to be selfish with Mike. Let him go so that he can enjoy his remaining years with a woman that will keep him young, make up for the youth he lost with you...

  4. Anonymous,
    Thanks for reading our blog and thinking about older women-younger men issues. But frankly, YOU might be the one who's selfish here. If Michael ever wanted to leave me I expect he would man up and tell me about it. To say you married your wife to be a "gentleman" and that she ought to "let you go" is a bunch of hooey.

  5. Anonymous - If you married your wife to do her a favor, you certainly didn't. If you had one iota of decency, you'd "man up," as Sheri put it, and let your wife go and find a man who actually loves her, instead of dooming her to years of a loveless, sexless marriage. You sound like the one who is selfish and it's YOUR fault for not marrying for love. At 28, you certainly weren't a naive boy being taken advantage of by an older woman!

    I'm 42 and my husband is 29. We have an incredible sex life, even after 6 years and a baby. It's not about the body - it's about what you do with it.

    If wrinkles and flab bother you so much, will you dump your new 20-something wife when SHE turns 41? Will you just keep trading in for younger versions until they are no longer interested in YOU? If there is such a thing as kharma, it'll be YOUR flat, middle-aged butt that gets dumped!

  6. Yay Kristin — You go, girl!

  7. I am new to this blog site, and even more so to responding to blogs; this is my first experience doing so. I am still a bit shy about airing my thoughts in this environment, but felt compelled to respond to "Anonymous"...

    My comment comes a year after the fact of yours, and so I hope that you've gained the maturity necessary to make a contribution to any relationships regardless of the age difference. I'm curious as to your true motivations to marry in the first place, and how you can expect to maintain any relationship given your poverty of relationship, emotional and communication skills.

    So have you changed? Have your values changed?Please tell me this is so. As you mature, you may regret the ending. I once shared a Him+25 relationship with a woman who was a friend for five year prior, but in a subtle, more emotionally-balanced way, I shared your view. Several years have passed, and not without regret of turning away love that was honest and unconditional. I challenge you to find those qualities in the places you're looking.

    This is more than I expected to share for my maiden posting, but I had to find my voice.

    One final note: Mike and Sheri, I stared reading your blog a few days ago, and think that it is--for want of a better term--a godsend. Thank you so much for sharing the story of your life together; for the past few months, I have searched my soul for the words and the courage to explore a relationship with a long-time friend who is Him+17. Thank you, and wish me luck!

  8. Thanks to you, Scott. You write eloquently. Whoever that Anonymous is (or was), he should well heed your words.

    And, of course we wish you luck! And love!